John McCarthy

Hardly anyone has noticed that in the Northern Hemisphere people stir their drinks counterclockwise, whereas the same people stir their drinks clockwise when visiting the Southern Hemisphere.

Of course, Third World leaders love you. By ascribing third world ills to First World sins, you absolve them of blame for their countries' failure to advance.

His ambition is to be the spider in the World Wide Web.

With no more than six levels of misquotation, any statement can be made to say whatever you wish.

The peace movement is a great force for peace. Some of the world's most quarrelsome people act out their aggressions through the peace movement.

If I owned Marseilles and Hell, I'd rent out Marseilles and live in Hell.

Language is froth on the surface of thought.

Amateur bureaucrats are often even worse than professional bureaucrats.

The difference between a contemporary liberal and a socialist is that to a liberal the most beautiful word in the English language is 'forbidden', whereas to a socialist the most beautiful word is 'compulsory'.

Asking a critic to name his favorite book is like asking a butcher to name his favorite pig.

A declining institution often experiences survival of the unfittest.

When I see a slippery slope, my instinct is to build a terrace.

Slogans rarely convince the unconvinced. However, they do rally the troops already on your side.

The slogan was 'Don't trust anyone over thirty'. Sixty years later the slogan became, 'Don't trust anyone over ninety'.

There is only one thing more harmful to society than an elected official forgetting the promises he made in order to get elected; that's when he doesn't forget them.

Suicidal terrorists may have short shelf lives.

Honor among thieves is the ancestor of all honor.

Committing genocide on behalf of an institution generates greater loyalty to it than merely getting people fired from their jobs on its behalf.

Inside of many liberals is a fascist struggling to get out.

Proposals to forbid golf courses have about the same motivations as proposals to forbid skate boarding, although the rationalizations are different.

It is said that man doesn't live by bread alone. Sometimes this is unfortunate, because people who cannot live by bread alone too often kill other people in consequence of the fights they get into.

When thugs by nature meet thugs by political conviction, 5-0 is not surprising.

Don't try to talk anyone out of concentrating his hatred on Ayn Rand or any other dead person. It can't harm the dead. Diverted to a living person, it might actually do harm.

Once a person has killed other people on behalf of an ideology, he becomes rather devoted to it.

Hard distinctions make bad philosophy.

Soccer riots kill at most tens. Intellectuals' ideological riots sometimes kill millions.

Never abandon a theory that explains something until you have a theory that explains more.

We modern Marxists regard socialism as a historically brief transitional stage between feudalism and capitalism, necessary only in backward countries.

My opinion is that he's a swindler and you're a sucker.

If a person can be said to have the wrong attitude, there is no need to pay attention to his arguments.

In human history, the desire for revenge and the desire for loot have often been closely associated.

A true intellectual is a man who, after reading a book and being convinced by its arguments, will shoot someone or, more likely, order someone shot.

Compassion is contempt with a human face.